Digging inside

Hello!

It is late, I had been thinking about this moment all day, yet the moment came and I am blank.  I guess it must be because I am tired. I want to share many things with you, but they are all incoherent, loose ideas, all jammed up in my head.  Practice makes perfect, I hope that the more I post the better I'll get, I hope.

I took a few pictures this week and wanted to share them with you. I also did a few drawings that I plan to post over the weekend.

I think this year is a year of change, of radical change. The Earth is shaking, the economy is crumbling and on a personal level, the dissatisfaction is reaching a limit. Let me rephrase that last statement; the desire for fulfillment is almost unbearable.  That sounds better. Everything as I know it is changing or will change soon, hopefully for the better. What used to be is no longer, I hope I can adapt and move on.

I will leave you with a quote and some pictures:

"Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself" 

(Unknown)

Artwork

Hi!

Since the launch of this blog, I have failed to talk about my artwork.  What a mistake, what was I thinking? Da!

Photography has become my main medium, but I enjoy ceramics and painting as well.

You can view some of my ceramic pieces here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=348280&id=637045340

And here is a recent photo.

I like to take pictures of details, things that we tend to dismiss, ignore, yet can be so interesting and beautiful.

Please let me know your thoughts.
Thanks.

No complains!

Have you ever felt like a nagger?  That's how I feel.  I read my previous posts and realized that all I have done is complain.  Complain about everything.  What a nagger!

I will not complain today. It was a nice day.  I feel happy.

Here is a photo. Enjoy it!

Arlette

Commitment to self

Hello,

It's been a while! I am having a rough week. I am sick and a bit down.

Talking to some people helped me point out how I need to commitment to myself.  To stand up for my beliefs and to speak up. To take care of the things that are important to me and to organize myself.

Of course, we all know this is easier said than done, but I will try.

Thinking about how I am going to commit to myself made me realize how I have forgotten who I am, what I want and what I enjoy. What am I to commit to?

I need to do something to get back to myself, to rescue my soul and the things that make me, me.

My head has not stopped talking. It goes from criticizing myself to boosting my self esteem.

Sometimes I think I am crazy.

The feeling of dissatisfaction doesn't go away. The lack of resources is taking a toll on my efforts to improve. I feel impotent, trapped in the circumstances.

The feeling that there is something better than this, that this is not the way it is supposed to be is unbearable.

I hope that it gets better. I hope that when the sun comes out next week, so do the solutions to many of the mundane problems that overwhelm me.

Until next time.

Arlette Cepeda 2004

I am tired of asking!

I am tired of asking and seldomly getting. When I finally get, is mostly because of my constant naggying. So it no longer feels good, even when I get some.

Why can I get without asking?  All I want is a sign that tells me that he still cares, like the way it used to be.
Always hoping, always waiting and in the mean time giving, always giving.

I am tired.  How many times do I have to tell him what I want, what I need. I deserve more. I have earned more.

Again, I want to go back, back to those nights when I was important, when he couldn't wait to get home to be with me.

Well... You most be a bit sorprised.  This is so different from my previous posts. Let me explain it.  I am feeling comfortable and I just had a moment.
It is also a reflection of my personality, erratic, ever changing, impulsive, naive.
He has said in many occations: "You cannot deny your true nature".  He is right!  This is my true nature, open, honest, blant, sometimes innapropriate, sensible, loving and why not, needy.

Ok.  Enough!

I'll leave you with the question, that keeps bogging me: Why can I get without asking? and a picture.

I am tired.

In search of myself

Friday night. I become myself again, or so I think.
I noticed I find myself trying to rescue the past, to keep it alive.  Is it a sign of old age?
Whatever!  Well, I found these pictures that took me back to a very special time in my life.
I selected a few to share with you, that I think capture the essence of what was going through my mind back then and that now are part of fond memories.

You know, when I sat down to write this post, I had a completely different idea in mind.  Perhaps if the exhaustion doesn't give in, I'll post again later.

Your comments are always welcomed. Thanks for reading.

About me

As promised, I will tell you a little about me.

I am a visual artist. I am a photographer.
I am a mother and an employee. A wife and a daughter.
I like people and chocolate.
I am searching for myself, who I lost sometime between being a mother and an employee, and even a wife.

It is late and I am tired.  I will add a photo just to add some beauty.
Until next time.
Arlette.